“Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~ Victor Frankl
The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life.
This isn’t just some idealistic thought, it’s what they found in the largest study ever done (and continues!) on adult well-being, the Harvard Study Adult Development.
Why Communication and Emotional Regulation Matter
So, simply put, if we can improve our relationships, we can have a dramatic impact on our health! What is the key to great relationships? We all know… Communication.
And the thing is, if you develop better communication skills and emotional regulation, every area of your life will get better! Win. Win. Win.
I say this to you not because of it being Valentine’s Day, because the study didn’t demonstrate the benefits of relationships solely from romantic relationships, it was ALL of our relationships. Having people to turn to, and support and be supported by, is really important for our physical and mental health, as well as our nervous system.
Cold Water Exposure and Nervous System Regulation
I wanted to write this note to Coldture’s email list because you’ll clearly someone who cares about your body and thinks about how to improve your overall wellness, and I wanted to also bring into your consciousness how to use plunging as method to improve how you relate and how you love.
And, I cannot stress enough how valuable cold water exposure is for learning how to be a better communicator!
The Science Behind Cold Exposure and Stress Response
The scientific reasons for this are demonstrated time and time again in the literature: research shows that repeated cold exposure improves vagal tone, increases parasympathetic rebound, and enhances autonomic flexibility—the nervous system’s ability to return to baseline after activation.
How Cold Plunging Trains Emotional Regulation
When I started using cold plunging as a way to train my nervous system and emotional regulation, everything changed.
I enter the cold water with the intention of observing my body’s response… and instead of contracting as my body yells, “GET OUT, WE’RE GONNA DIE!” — I take a deep breath, and remind myself that I am safe, and I am training myself to hold stress while I observe my stress.
I get to witness my body’s response, and then maintain access to choosing what I do with that response.
The Four Relationship Behaviours That Predict Conflict
Why is this so powerful?! Well, in conflicts in relationships our nervous system gets activated, and in turn, we tend to go to automated behaviours. These automated behaviours are usually what the Gottman’s (the OGs or relationship research) call: The 4 horsemen of the apocalypse.
Good lord. That’s an aggressive title.
These four behaviours are:
● Criticism: attacking character instead of behaviour: “You always do this,” “You never listen.”
● Defensiveness: self-protection and counter-blame: “I wouldn’t act this way if you weren’t so sensitive.”
● Contempt: superiority and disgust: eye-rolling, sarcasm, mocking tone.
● Stonewalling: withdrawal and shutdown: going silent, leaving the room, hanging up the phone.
Look, we all tend to do one or more of these… and that’s human and normal.
The problem is when relationships have a big volume of these things… it leads to divorce (aka relational breakdowns and breakups).
The Gottman’s could listen to just THREE minutes of a couple’s and predict with over 80% accuracy if they’ll divorce!
WOAH. Wild! Right?!
Why Cold Plunging Improves Communication and Conflict Response
The reason cold plunging is so powerful is that it helps us develop more nervous system regulation, which in turn allows us to create more space and choice in how we want to respond when we’re in conflict with people… We observe how our body is feeling, and instead of reacting, we are responding. We are taking responsibility (response-ability) for the type of relationships we want to co-create, and how we want to behave with those we love and care about.
Using Cold Exposure as a Tool for Personal and Emotional Growth
I say all of this because if you have a plunge, really bring into focus and create the intention to become the master of your body and nervous system.
And if you’ve been thinking about buying one, DO IT! On top of alllllllll of the health benefits, the greatest benefit will be the psychological and nervous system changes that will completely change your life.
https://lifestylemedicine.stanford.edu/jumping-into-the-ice-bath-trend-mental-health-benefits-of-cold-water-immersion/
Written By Mark Groves, for the Coldture Community
August 2025 Newsletter: Resilience Is a Muscle